Deconstructing Goodbye- Reconstructing Hello
by The-other-8th-wonder
Summary: It should be easy, they've been here before. Why is it still so difficult? Sam's thoughts as he says goodbye to Mercedes.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER:I own nothing

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Sam's heart raced as he drove closer to the airport departures exit. He'd begged to take her alone, begged to get a few more minutes with her before he had to say his final goodbye. When her parents agreed he felt like he'd won some prize only to have his stomach drop at the realization that he wouldn't be seeing her anymore. He was walking her to goodbye.

They walked in silence, her small soft hand wrapped around his larger calloused one as he pulled her luggage with the other. This was really it. It was really over.

He's fought gallantly, slayed all the dragons in his path, rescued the damsel in distress only to have it all dissolve in a matter of months. And his body was left embattled and bruised while his heart was eviscerated. But it didn't matter. He had no regrets. How could he when he got to be with her? He wouldn't focus on the pain of losing her. Instead, he'd focus on the fact that she never belonged here. That she was destined to be greater, do greater things than this small town could offer. And he'd stand on the sidelines silently cheering her on every step of the way.

Because she was liquid gold, worth more than he could afford. More precious than he could hold. He could only remember how she felt running through his fingers. The fleeting memory of a fading time when she was his. No one could ever take that away from him.

And after they checked her bag and saw that her flight was scheduled to board soon he stiffened.

She looked over to him and hugged him tightly, sighing as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm going to miss you," she whispered into his shirt as he felt warm liquid pool there and heard her sniffle. He closed his eyes and gulped down the emotion that was threatening to tear him apart. Letting his hands wander he loosened his grip from her waist as his hand moved to her stomach and up her sides before settling on her back where he ran soothing circles. He'd do it all again if it meant he could hold her like this. She was perfection and he counted himself lucky to have spent a minute much less two years in her presence. He considered himself blessed to be loved by her. So he'd accept that he couldn't hold her like this again, that their intimate touches were only memories. That this body she'd allowed him to touch, rub, kiss, taste and lick would no longer be his. This body that took months to learn and master would go to someone else. And in time this heart that was purer and more real than any other he had the privilege of knowing would undoubtedly go to someone else too. It killed him. It was pure unadulterated pain and yet he still couldn't stop the grin forming because he got to hold her one last time.

One last time was all they had now. But they knew what came next. They were masters at saying goodbye. Of holding each other close and crying together as the word caved in around them. Still, it didn't make this any easier. This wasn't fair. He wanted more time. Needed more. But he was resigned to the fact that if he had 1,000 years more, it would still never be enough. He wanted forever.

He saw her lift her head up to meet his gaze and his chest tightened. What could he say? What words could he string together to tell her how much she means to him? How could he ever relay the impact she had on his life. He could thank her but that wasn't enough. She changed him, made every piece of his life better. She taught him how to be himself, how to love fully and freely. He'd had to grow up quickly, learn to be a man sooner than he should have, but she taught him how to be _her_ man. And being Mercedes Jones' man was greater than any award or trophy or prize he could ever get.

She squeezed his hand and he knew he had to let her go. And there it was. The time had come to say the words he had been dreading since he found out about her recording contract. But looking at her now the words were stuck in his throat.

They were simple. It was just one word.

Two little syllables.

But he couldn't do it. Sighing he closed his eyes and whispered his last words to her. "Thank you."

She smiled sadly and wiped the tears from his eyes. Reaching up she placed a kiss on his cheek. "No Sam Evans. _Thank you_." He could hear the tears in her voice and it just about broke his heart. She hugged him quickly one last time before getting in line.

He had a million more words to say to her but as he watched her form diminish in the security line he knew 'thank you' was all he could handle for now. And hearing her response was all he could stomach without fighting his instinct to join her on the plane.

He stood rooted in that spot for an hour. He watched people hug their loved ones and wave them goodbye. He watched couples rejoice in each other and kiss their

hellos. He watched until he had the strength to move. Then he took a small step towards the parking lot. That was all he could muster for now.

Sam's heart was broken, but soon it would harden. Soon it would numb. It would no longer ache for her. It would find someone else too. Someone who wouldn't rip all the stars out of the sky. Someone who wouldn't make his heart race with one smile or slow with one tear. Someone who would never have all of it because it would always belong to Mercedes whether she wanted it or not. And to him that was the greatest tragedy of all.


	2. Chapter 2

_10 Years Later_

2,227 miles spanning 8 states and 3 time zones and all it took was one flight back to Cincinnati for Mercedes and Sam to bump into each other. Maybe the world really was small, or maybe they were meant to see each other again.

It must have been purely happenstance. She hated the airport. Hated the feelings it elicited, hated that every time she stood in LAX her mind flashed to an image of her 18 year old self with red and blurry eyes setting foot in L.A. for the first time. She remembered spending the entire flight in shambles and knew that had to be the feeling of utter desolation and heartbreak. But she soldiered on and patched herself together the best way she could. The first few months were the worst, and she only exacerbated her pain when she made impromptu visits home to help her old glee club. Scars can't heal properly if scabs are constantly picked. After getting Sam's silent treatment and seeing him draped on someone else's arm, she stopped going home, claiming she needed to focus on her life in L.A. It wasn't an all-out lie, just wasn't the whole truth. Really, she couldn't bear to see him with someone else, especially when she could see his heart wasn't in it. And she knew the signs. She did the same thing with Shane the previous year. She wanted to fight for him, shake him until he became recognizable, and talk some sense into him. But what could she offer him? A visit once every few months? A long distance relationship when he finally found some normalcy? She couldn't be that selfish so she retreated back to L.A., back to her new home.

Shaking out of her memories she grabbed her carryon and made her way to the boarding area. Despite the feelings this place brought out she loved its familiarity. She was here so often she felt like a permanent fixture. Everywhere she toured that she couldn't take her bus, she flew commercially. She refused to fly a charted jet. It was an unnecessary extravagance in her mind and no matter how annoyed her record label was with her decision, they bent to her wishes with the caveat that the first time anything happens, she would fly privately.

In 8 years nothing ever had. Besides this trip was different. She wasn't Mercedes Jones, multiplatinum recording artist and media darling. She was cricket, her parent's baby girl, flying home for their 40th wedding anniversary. And she couldn't wait to touch down in Cincinnati so she could get a taste of her mother's famous pecan sweet-potato pie.

When she sat in the boarding area awaiting her flight she had no idea the man sat beside her would be Sam. He looked so unfamiliar when he nudged her shoulder and offered a lopsided smile. And when she saw him all those old familiar feelings ran over her. Those excited jitters that made her heart beat a little faster, those kind eyes that made her smile a little wider. They were all there but were just a little different. Time had been kind to him. His toned body had bulked making his muscles more pronounced. His hair was darker and shorter and she had to admit she loved the scruff he was sporting. There was no mistaking it-Sam Evans was a _man_.

"Sam." She said his name reverently, wistfully. It was the same way she said it when the ghost of his memory entered her dreams, when a scent or sight or sound triggered something that was buried deep in her heart.

"Hey Mercedes." He smiled at her in a way that made her want to run her hands over his face. His voice deeper than the last time she saw him. She watched as he scanned her body, although he probably thought he was discreet, and saw a glimmer of appreciation in his eyes which made her cheeks warm. She looked down slowly, her own veiled attempt at subtlety as she glanced at his ring finger. Even though she had no right to be, she was happy it was as pale and empty as the last time she saw it.

"So how goes the life of the world famous diva?"

She shrugged and brought her eyes back to his gaze. "It's amazing." She beamed. "I've been blessed to live my dreams every day."

He nodded and took a sip of the coffee that was in his hand, all the while knowing she wasn't telling the whole truth. Her eyes held untold loneliness he recognized because it was the same look he saw when he stared at his reflection. But it wasn't his right to know these things. At least not anymore. So he allowed the lie. "I'm so proud of you." If she was able to look in his wallet, she would see the ticket stubs of when he'd gone to her concerts in various states and continents. He'd always get a ticket close enough to see her but far enough that she wouldn't see him. If she looked at his music, she'd know her songs were his top played. But she would never know the hold she always had on him, and he found comfort in this.

"Thank you." In true Mercedes fashion, she shifted the conversation to him. "What about you? What's going on in your life?"

Setting his empty cup down he turned to face her and drew a deep sigh. "Well, I've been in L.A. a few years now." He set his head down waiting for the chastisement he was sure was coming his way.

He winced when he looked up. "Samuel Aaron Evans, you mean to tell me you've been here for two years and you didn't bother looking me up?"

He studied her features a moment. She still looked the same. Her face was a little more mature, but she was still there. She was still her. In a town where people are encouraged to change she stayed true to herself, and she'd never looked more beautiful. Even when she was a little upset. He knew why he didn't contact her. It was the same reason she stopped coming back home after they broke up. It hurt too much to watch her be limited by him. He loved her and he knew she felt the same. His girl was loyal to a fault and would have stayed with him forever even if it stunted her grown. He saw it happening back in Lima. It only would have been magnified in L.A. "You know why."

And she did. It's the same reason she rarely visited home, hardly talked to her old friends. Because they were him. They were all an extension of him and she wasn't strong enough to pretend she was okay without him. Not in Lima. Not where every place and every person held a cherished memory. "Yeah," she whispered. She wanted to change the subject to lighter things. 30 seconds after bumping into him and she was headed for an emotional tailspin. "So where were you before you got here?"

"I worked in San Diego at a Zoo. Before that, Wyoming, boarding horses, I spent some time in Kansas where I was a carpenter. Before that I was in Chicago where I worked in a sales firm. Before that I went to Kentucky for college—only stayed a few years. After I graduated from McKinley I went to some music college in Cincinnati that Mr. Schue got me in to—but it was only for a semester." He told her of his time in every city, never settling down for more than a few years, always inching closer to her. He told her of working several jobs and starting a college fund for his siblings all the while saving his remining funds to make a demo. He told her of finally making his way to L.A. two years ago after he got a call from an old friend in Kansas who started his own construction company. After staying a year and a half, he helped build an addition to the home of a famous pop singer. Fortune smiled down on him when she heard Sam singing a song he wrote and invited him to the studio. He had been hired as a songwriter ever since. Mercedes could tell how passionate he still was about music—it showed in the way he described playing in dives after long shifts. It showed in the way he beamed about getting his first songwriting credit.

"Wow." All of her experience writing songs, mulling over dictionaries, and that was all she could come up with. The more he told her, the more questions she had. She wanted to know why he never stayed in a place longer than two years. How he came into the jobs he did, but she decided to change the subject before this conversation got heavier. "Why are you heading back to Ohio, if you don't mind me asking?"

He hated the formality in her voice. It was as if she didn't know how to gauge him. Time and distance never made her feel like anything less than the love of his life. His missed opportunity. He wondered if she felt the same.

Pulling out his wallet, he showed her a picture of Stevie. The once little boy was all grown up—tall and muscular with a mop of unruly blonde hair on his head. He looked like Sam at that age. "Stevie's graduating tomorrow. I figured I'd fly in and surprise him."

He answered her silent question as he pulled out pictures of Stacey and his parents. They caught up and reminisced a few minutes before they were interrupted by an older lady who asked Mercedes for an autograph.

"I'm so sorry to intrude, but my daughter loves your songs."

Mercedes looked at the woman and smiled graciously. "Thank you."

"You're one of the only ones who doesn't need that auto tune crap. And your songs." She held her hands over her heart. "You are a true storyteller. I hope it's not too much trouble, but could you sing a song?"

The people around them started to turn their heads pretending they didn't care. In reality they were on their phones trying to record anything in the remote chance that she would sing. Some had been recording her since she got to the airport.

She looked over at Sam and got an idea. "I'll sing if he can sing with me."

He politely protested. "I'm sure no one wants to hear me sing."

But the old lady pointed to the seat next to him and smiled. "It's kismet. You even have a guitar."

He grabbed the instrument from its case and looked over to Mercedes. "What song do you want to sing?"

She held out her hand and smirked: "Time for Karaoke Shuffle." It was something she began doing when she babysat for Stacey and Stevie. She would bring out her iPod and hit shuffle, having to perform whatever song began to play. It soon became their thing when they lazed about near the lake or stargazed in the park and his smile made her realize he was taking a trip down memory lane as well.

He showed her the song that was chosen and both felt a little skittish but she rubbed her hands on her thighs and smiled at the old woman who was already elated.

He tuned his guitar and waited for her to tell him she was ready. When she heard him pluck the strings her heart stirred. Yeah, this was more than mere coincidence. She closed her eyes and began to sing.

_M: So far away_

_Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?_

_S. It would be so fine to see your face at my door_

_M: And it doesn't help to know that you're just time away_

She always loved the way they sounded together. His voice was so full of sadness, she wanted to comfort him. Wrapping her arms around herself she knew she would do something hasty if she looked at him.

_M: Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood_

_Both: Holding you again could only do me good _

She opened her eyes to find his already on hers. She had to know she held his heart. And not just for a two year period in their teens. Always.

_M: Oh, how I wish I could_

_But you're so far away, yeah_

He watched her get lost in the song. Listened to the lyrics lift him to a place where she longed for him. At least he hoped she still longed for him.

_S: One more song about movin' along the highway_

_I can't say much of anything that's new_

_But if I could only work this life out my way_

_I'd rather spend it bein' close to you_

He could feel himself getting lost in the words. He wanted to say this to her when he left for Kentucky and again when she left for L.A. He had spent his entire adult life working his way back to her town by town, state by state.

_M: Really you're so far away_

_Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?_

_It would be so fine to see your face at my door_

_And it doesn't help to know, you're so far away_

_Both: So far away_

She often dreamed he would show up at her door one day, tell her he needed her and kiss her senseless. Even after 10 years the pain of being without him didn't go away. It just numbed. She was tired of going through life as a robot, and she couldn't betray her feelings, not with him sitting beside her. Not with their history.

_Both: Yeah, you're so far away_

She wondered what happened to him. Wondered if he had someone to sleep next to at night. Wondered if he ever loved someone else.

_S: Travelin' around sure gets me down and lonely_

_Nothin' else to do but close my mind_

_And I sure hope the road don't get to own me_

_There's so many dreams that I've yet to find_

His voice cracked with untold emotion. That's what life had been without her: lonely. Empty. With her possibilities were endless, experiences were enhanced. Without her things just happened. And he had been living like a zombie for years. All of it: All of his dreams, hopes and plans for the future were wrapped around being with her.

_Both: But you're so far away_

_Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?_

_It would be so fine to see your face at my door_

_And it doesn't help to know you're so far away_

They were right beside each other but were practically strangers. Why did they let an argument ruin their friendship? Granted they never really were friends, both of them always harbored romantic feelings at one point in time, but being friends had to have been better than nothing at all.

_M: You're so far away_

_Oh, you're so far away_

_S: You're so far away__  
__ Oh, I need to get in touch with you baby_

_M: You're so very, very, very far away_

_Oh, you're so, so far away*__  
_

They ended the song with Sam tapping his guitar and Mercedes tapping her thigh. She always loved singing with him and it seems the years had been good to his voice too. Before she could say anything to him loud cheers and applause broke out, the old woman leading the charge. They stood and bowed slightly with Sam rubbing his neck, a clear indication of his nervousness. When he stood his wallet, which he hadn't realized he never put away, fell open revealing a few ticket stubs. When she reached to pick up what fell she gasped, not even realizing the plane was boarding.

"Sam? Why didn't you tell me?"

There was no simple answer to that question. He'd felt inadequate. He was content to watch her shine from the shadows. He was so proud of her. But seeing her up there smiling and waving in packed arenas made him realize he did the right thing. She looked at him, big brown eyes full of question, and he gulped nervously.

"Well—"

Before he could respond the flight attendant came up to them and told them their flight was ready to take off and they were the last to board. He looked at her apologetically before putting the stubs back in his wallet.

"We _will_ talk about this Sam Evans. After we take off, I will find you."

As luck would have it, their seats were right beside each other in first class. He smiled and lifter her carryon to the overhead before putting his guitar up there as well.

"Looks like we'll talk about it now."

She turned to him and asked in a quiet voice, "How could you go to my shows and not say anything? Did you not want to see me?"

The attendant stopped by to let them know they were about to take off and check that their seatbacks were in the upright position. Another reprieve. Only Sam didn't really want one. He tapped his foot while he kissed his cross necklace and slid it back under his shirt he hated this part when flying. Sensing his nervousness she slid her hand in his and felt him immediately relax. She did the same for him when they traveled to New York for their Nationals competition 12 years ago. So much had changed and yet so much remained the same. Her hand felt the same, her hand in his felt the same. Still made his heart race. In a gesture of gratitude he lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it, slowly moving his thumb along her knuckles.

"Mercedes, do you ever feel like we just missed each other? That every time we started up something would happen and we'd be back at square one?"

She nodded smiling sadly in his direction.

"What would you do differently?"

"I'd never say goodbye." He saw the remorse on her face. It was of their last conversation. He went to her house as she packed for L.A. and called her a coward. Heated words were exchanged, tears were shed, goodbyes were snarled and the last thing she'd told him was she never wanted to see or hear from him again.

"Oh Darling, I never knew how to say goodbye to you." It was true. Even when they yelled and he watched her get in that cab to the airport, he broke down. But that was water under the bridge. Both said things they didn't mean. They were just kids then. He wanted to start fresh with her. "How about this? What if we pretend none of that shit from 10 years ago ever happened? That I'm Sam, this dorky kid who's dyslexic and just moved to Ohio and you're Mercedes that amazing, beautiful and talented girl that takes his breath away.?"

She worried her bottom lip as she thought on his offer. "But so much time has passed. There's so much I don't know about you."

She was right. But one truth stood out above reason and he wasn't afraid to voice it now. "I never stopped loving you."

She took a deep breath and let his words wash over her. "I never stopped loving you either." She sat back in her chair and sighed. "I need time to think about it."

He understood. She needed time. And he had 2 ½ hours to plead his case. Still he wasn't too worried about her answer. They had never let go of each other's hands.

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***CAROLE KING - SO FAR AWAY **


End file.
